"Every pull and resistance in the horse's neck originates in the back." ~ Stefan Wolff
So don't try to "soften" the horse's neck or jaw. Address the real cause of the problem - the state of the horse's back, and the activity of the hind legs!
In the sport of Eventing, ensuring that our horses are truly fit for our level of competition is one of the best ways to prevent unnecessary injuries.
Horses become incapable of learning when they go past a certain level of fear, anxiety, or stress. This means that if you keep hammering away at the horse, trying to teach them something when they are currently overwhelmed with stress, it will not work.
For the horse, the learning happens on the release of the aid. That means if you don't release the aid, the horse will not learn.
"Don't take the tempo down without revving the engine." ~ Chris Bartle